Wonder

I wonder sometimes what is the meaning of things. It seems that within the past few years I have been weighed down with depression and grief. I think it has to do with my children and the struggles they go through. But even more than this, it has to do with their uncertain future. I suppose the future is the one thing I fear the most. And in fact the fear of it paradoxically hastens it even more. I want to see the wonder and the awe that Joey sees. I want to feel the excitement that Sammy feels. These elude me and I am left wondering where they are. But am I to suppose that they don't exist at all? Am I to just throw up my hands at the whole matter and agnostically deny all that seems reasonable? It is the true the senses are missing something and there are only two options, or two alternatives: One, it is just the way our brains function or two, there is something missing that we are aware of that exists but is not visible to the senses? If it is the former, then it would seem that our brain relaying information to us and creating information for us would be indistinguishable. Looking at the brain as some organ we can analyze seems contradictory from the perspective that we are using our brains to know our brains. And so, it would seem to me that embracing metaphysics, the soul, the spirit and God is far more rational. But, then again I still wonder how it will all turn out. I just want to hide in my mind and be embraced by God, by a Tom Bombadil.